After I’d run my fourth half marathon (toot toot! <– this is the sound of me blowing my own horn!), I decided taking the heavy pain pills was probably not such a bad thing after all. I was, on the outside, looking good, but on the inside broken. I took the meds, comfort ate to “feel better,” and gained a nice rump roast or three in extra pounds before I finally bit the bullet and had back surgery.
So, let me fast forward quite a bit to where I am now.
Still trying to “feel good” and lose the extra pounds I packed on just before (and after) the surgery.
This August, I found myself quite sick of being sick, bloated, and generally, “full of it.” Okay, I’ll just say it – horribly constipated to the point of being nauseous.
I didn’t get it. I eat vegetables! I love wine and cheese, but I love and eat veggies regularly. (So, why wasn’t I regular?)
The more I started to read about it, the more I started to think it was the “other stuff” I was consuming that was nullifying the veggie eating. After years of heavy pain killers, and yes, the somewhat regular trip to McDonald’s for comforting french fries, the veggies had no shot of actually getting through the treacherous broken-down, drugged out and pummeled nasty rubber tubing that used to be my colon. In high school biology books, I remembered it being soft and pink and squishy.
I started making calls, and found Kalia. (Aloha! And thank Jesus.)
Anyway, as things sometimes do in life, one thing leads to another. You meet one person and then another. And through Kalia I met a lady who suggested I try her “virtual detox” in order to put me (and my colon) on a serious path to healing. (Is there some cliché I haven’t found or used yet like “A happy colon makes a happy camper” ?)
So, “The Wellness Workshop” lady, or the “detox” lady as I call her, is Celeste Davis. Also now, to me a “wonder” lady. I’m still in wonder, and I’m still learning, definitely experiencing good by-products of this experiment in healing.
Knowing that I was a writer and a teacher, Celeste asked me to consider blogging about my experience through the virtual detox she and her husband designed. In other words, “blogging it out,” I reckon.
Um, can I say this was a little more than daunting, to tell my story of gaining weight (again), feeling crappy (again), being tired (almost always), scatter-brained and highly unsuccessful, personally and professionally. As well, the idea of doing anything “virtual” has always been off-putting, especially when it comes to reading a book or taking a class. I like being with real people and holding real books. (It’s mostly the smell of them, yes? Books, I mean – not so much people.)
Anyways, I was not unencumbered by the fear of blogging about depression and my dirty, sick colon — all in the pursuit of liberty, health and happiness. Still, this kind of scary writing endeavor sounded more than a little Camusian. Wow, now I’m making up words. Guess I’m getting into it.
So, welcome to the first real blog I’ve ever had, and sheesh, given my fodder to write with, this thing continually challenges me. I get to talk about . . . my poison! (Smile goes here.) Lots and lots of it. Blugh.
Commencement:
I started the virtual detox two weeks ago, and yeah, here’s what I’ve noticed. I’ve lost nine pounds. Not bad. In fact, kind of nice. It always feels nice to say, and to know, “I’ve lost nine pounds on the scale.”
Trying hard not to discount my achievement – still, the first 10 pounds or so are always water, yeah? *I do think the nine pounds flushed more easily out of my system due to the water I’m drinking. (Kalia is the person who turned me on to the best, clean drinking water!). Still, I’ve been on other detox plans before, low calorie, drinking lots of water type diets that have helped me do just about the same, weight-wise, as I’m doing now. But hey, 9 pounds is 9 pounds. (Exact numbers and parentheses used for emphasis.)
Also, you can never step in the river at the same place twice, or whatever that cliché is. So, I also want to be clear that I have experienced some real, profound differences this go around.
(Okay, before going further I feel the strong need to say, no one is paying me to tell the truth here. Although, if you do want to pay me, just make a comment here on the blog with your contact info and I will tell you where to send the check!)
Anyways, after the first couple of days on the virtual detox I began eliminating caffeine, cutting out refined sugar, and putting the cork back into my cheap wine bottle, which was pretty much already empty!
Then, I began to experience a brain and body shakedown, or something.
Instead of feeling like complete crap, I had a week of truly feeling clear-headed, light-hearted, “glowy,” and happy like I’ve not experienced in well, in a long while. I felt great! (As I write this, I’m still feeling great!)
The first time I acknowledged feeling great during this process was an unmistakable breakthrough, again, or something. This past Tuesday, I was stuck in traffic, and burdened by a million things waiting for me to finish, and all I could think amid the day-to-day hassles and stress was, “I know things are bad, but I don’t hate my life.”
To me, this kind of “crazy” thinking is ridiculous improvement, given my track record for worst-case scenario, extremely “nothing’s ever going to change, it’s just going to get worse” thinking.
I don’t hate my life! Here I am in traffic, less than a quarter of a tank of gas, and my life doesn’t completely suck! I’m unemployed, trying to start my own business, scared to death of starting my own business, anxious that I might have to file for bankruptcy any day now, but something, some weird thing clicked while I was sitting impatiently in this annoying sea of cars, that wouldn’t allow me to entertain pessimism. It even more self-righteously wouldn’t allow me to throw all hope out the window (yet again, for another day). What the – what kind of poison is that? That kiboshes the joy of negative thinking? That suddenly shines a clear light on, “Not only does your life not suck. You better believe things are going to get real good for you, Missie.”
Nonetheless, I’m clearly not suggesting a week and a half of detox has cured all my problems.
And on that note, let me share some of the negative happenings since I started it.
Two days ago, I hit something. I woke up with a horrible headache. (I have had a lot of aches and pains in life, but I don’t get headaches!). So, this was not pleasant to say the least. I assume the headache was withdrawal from something (caffeine, alcohol, sugar, negativity). Whatever, it lasted all day.
The good part is, I made it through. I spent a good 24-hours with the headache, at most times wanting to barf or take an Ibuprofen. I did neither, but when I woke the next morning – thank God – I felt “good on the inside” again. Back to normal, feeling fabulous again! Again, not trying to exaggerate, no kidding, tip-tops here. Noticing my knees, spine, and other joints are not hurting all the time like they used to, I’m starting to “feel skinny” – such a nice feeling. What nine pounds and twelve days gone can possibly do.
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