In case you haven’t heard, not only does Target sell wine cubes, they sell wine cubes filled with individually wrapped bags of wine. They almost resemble juice boxes (which, of course, rhymes with doucheboxes). Makes me wanna pop a straw in one like it’s a Capri Sun and suck it down as I peruse the aisles of Target for Swiffer refills and Flaming Hot Cheetos. Don’t judge.
In light of this recent discovery, I’ve composed a list. Welcome to the Top Five Reasons to Invest in Individual-Size Wine Bags:
5. They look like juice boxes. You can finally ditch your “wino” rep and become the “healthy one” in your group. “Oh look, Kim has been sipping juice all day long. Think of all those vitamins and nutrients she must be getting.” When you pass out naked and sobbing to an episode of The Wiggles, you can just tell people Vitamin C has a bad reaction with your anxiety meds.
4. They’re portable. Bottles are so last season. Besides, you can’t shove a bottle in your pocket to take with on your blind date, who turns out to be the acne-ridden little brother of the assh*le who cheated on you with your sister 3 months ago, so that you can do a wine-bong in the bathroom.
3. Stocking stuffers! Sure, a bottle of wine fits nicely into a stocking but leaves room for nothing else. You can fit at least two wine bags plus numerous mini bottles of Bacardi and Smirnoff in one of those things.
2. BYOB. Bring your own bag. Tell that swanky restaurant to take its corking fee and shove it.
1. They put the best stuff in the bags anyways. (hint: click the link)
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