Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It has been approximately four days since my last blog. I know that I have gone against your wishes and betrayed you by constantly promising to do better and blog more frequently, but again, I have failed you. For my Penance, I will drink a big glass of wine and tell you what’s been up with me in hopes that you will forgive me, yet again, by the end of this post.
OK… so now that that’s off my chest….
It’s been a long day – actually scratch that (yes I’m aware of this feature on WordPress, but it doesn’t fit my writing style, anyway…) – it’s been a long few weeks. This prospect has been absolutely draining me at work and this early Christmas shopping has absolutely drained my bank account. All that aside, I’ve been in a total funk. I was too anxious for the holidays too far in advance, and now my enthusiasm has plateaued. I’m so excited to go home and see my family and friends (that I haven’t seen since freakin’ July!) and open presents that I’m just ready for Christmas Eve to be here already. All I want to do is just stomp around and scream, “Are we there yet?!” until it’s 5:00 PM on the 23rd (ah… the pitiful Christmas break of the real world…). I’ve heard through the grapevine that this isn’t socially acceptable for “grown ups”, so instead I’m SOL sitting at my house throwing a pity party for myself. If it could just be the weekend already, because that’s when I’m actually headed to Tennessee, it still couldn’t come fast enough.
To make matters worse, my boyfriend has decided to make all of my presents surprises this year. I’ve been picking out my own Christmas presents for almost as long as I can remember because I REALLY HATE surprises… so this is like genuine torture for me. I begged and begged for a hint, and the only tidbit I ended up with was a “clue” for one of my stocking stuffers. And it’s not even a real clue. When my boyfriend was having shopper’s block looking for my present last week, I told him that he should get me some new perfume for my stocking since I was low on two of my staple fragrances – Armani Diamonds and SJP Lovely.
Instead of copping out on one of my go-tos, I told him to pick out a scent that he liked…. but the perfume part I still already knew. Anyway, after pleading endlessly with him, he finally agreed to disclose a “hint” for one of my presents. You know what he tells me? That the third letter of either the designer or the fragrance is the letter “R”. I knew he had been at Macy’s, so being the professional snoop that I am, I decided to look online to try and narrow it down. DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW MANY FRAGRANCE DESIGNERS AT MACY’S HAVE THE THIRD LETTER “R”?!?!? I’m sure you don’t, so I’ll tell you.
- Burberry
- Carol’s Daughter
- Carolina Herrera
- Christian Audigier
- Christian Dior
- Harajuku Lovers
- Marc Ecko
- Marc Jacobs
- Mariah Carey
- Narciso Rodriguez
- Paris Hilton
- Perry Ellis
- Sarah Jessica Parker
- Vera Wang
- Versace
FIFTEEN!! That doesn’t even count the fragrance names! How is that a clue?! Feels more like a riddle to me. Anyway, needless to say I’ve made no progress on my present discovery, and it’s stressing me out. He always does a wonderful job on my presents, so that has nothing to do with it (last year he bought me a Kate Spade Noel luggage set if that gives you any idea… can we say “best present ever”?!), it’s just the whole “surprise” aspect. I hate having to react to something unexpected on the spot… it’s too much pressure.
With all this stress and anxiety, I had to come up with something to mellow me out. Then I remembered – dun dun dun dun! – the tanning bed. Unfortunately for me, my genius idea of the portable tanning bed has not yet been brought to life, so for now, this means I still have to leave my house. Even though it took some effort on my part, i.e., making myself semi-presentable to the general public, I desperately needed that 12 minutes of bliss, and now I’m feeling much better (or maybe that’s the wine?). If only it didn’t cause a tiny raised mole of mildly dysplastic cells on my stomach that I had to get removed, I could go all day every day and truly be in heaven. I guess I’ll have to keep working on my good deeds until then. Sigh…
Oh well, wine is up! Time is up! I better be forgiven, or you should get coal in your stocking! 
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